Today I decided to try daily Mass at a different church. So I went downtown for a noon Mass at a church I’ve never been to before. I was sitting there praying and reflecting before Mass, just admiring the beauty of the Church, and waiting for one of my friends to show up. She joined me in the pew about five minutes before Mass was supposed to start. I kept praying and focusing and then more time went by – we sat there for probably fifteen minutes waiting. At first I thought maybe the priest was hearing a confession in the back (he wasn’t, he actually didn’t exist, there wasn’t a priest present). After another five minutes, I started getting anxious sitting there. I wanted Mass to start so badly.
While I was sitting there anxiously awaiting Mass I started reflecting on waiting and how difficult it is for me. I am not a very patient person. I had literally nothing else to do for hours, so it’s not like I needed to be out of there at a certain time, but still I was anxious. It reminded me a lot of where I am in my life right now. I am waiting. I’m waiting for clarity about my future. And when I sit and think about it I get super anxious.
What I realized was that while I was waiting for Mass, Jesus was there in the tabernacle just waiting for me to acknowledge Him. He was with me the entire time. While I was waiting for Him to come in the Mass, He was literally waiting with me. He was right there. In the same way, He is waiting with me now. He doesn’t just abandon us when things get difficult. Even when we’re waiting for Him to reveal Himself to us, He’s there with us giving us the strength to keep waiting. I just realized today in a deeper way how much the Lord is faithful. I can’t feel Him or see Him with me in this chaos and confusion, but He’s here with me, holding my hand, until I’m ready to hear what He has in store for me.