Make it a sacrifice of praise

When I lived in community we had a time of praise and worship with intercessions twice a week. Generally, I loved it. I grew a lot in my relationship with the Holy Spirit and really appreciated time to praise and intercede for the world. However, there were some days that I just didn’t feel like praising. When things weren’t going well or I was missing home or I was just over tired, I would rather just sit and pray a rosary than participate in praising the Lord.

There was a particular time when I was living in community when it got incredibly difficult for me to participate. The week my Great Uncle passed away unexpectedly. I was not in a good place. I was super upset about the loss and I was frustrated because I couldn’t be with my family to support them and grieve myself. I remember walking into praise that week not wanting to give anything. But in those moments I remembered conversations I had with sisters about what they do when they aren’t ‘feeling it’. That’s when the phrase sacrifice of praise was introduced to me.

I’d heard of the phrase before, but I never really understood what that meant or how it could be used as a prayer. When we choose to praise God when we don’t feel like it or when we’re in a difficult spot we are choosing to say, God you are good even if I don’t understand what you are doing. In making that choice, that sacrifice, to praise even when it hurts, we recognize that we aren’t God, that we don’t have control. It’s not an easy choice to make.

The week my Great Uncle passed away and I chose to try to enter into praise, it hurt. I fought with myself the entire time and to be honest one of the two days that week I mostly just stood there trying not to cry, but I was there, I was present to the Lord in my hurting. And the next time I tried to enter into praise I was able to praise just a little more. And the Lord used that. He used that sacrifice I was choosing to make to pour out His love and comfort into my heart and also into the hearts of my family, whom I was offering the sacrifice up for at the time.

When we offer praise even though it hurts, we are allowing the Lord into our pain and suffering. We are choosing to offer the sacrifice that it is, just like we offer other sacrifices that we make as prayers. The grace that comes with offering a sacrifice of praise is that when we choose to be grateful even in the tough stuff we are able to see the Lord for who He is, our Good and Gracious, Loving and Merciful Father. The Lord is able to transform our hearts when we choose Him in our pain. When we make a sacrifice of praise we are drawn into the Sacred Heart of Jesus where He wants us to make our home.

The Lord reminded me of all of this today through the psalm, “To you, Lord, I will offer a sacrifice of praise.” (116:17) It was a perfectly timed reminder (when are His reminders not perfectly timed?). My family has been going through a lot this week with my grandparents health and it’s been a challenge to see the good in the situations or why it’s all happening at once. However, I had an opportunity yesterday to enter into some praise on my own and I experienced the power, once again, of a sacrifice of praise. It is incredible how the Lord is able to transform my heart in those moments of praise offered to Him. I’ve been able to see Him working in the little ways and in the big, one of which is the fact that I’m home and able to be with my family as we struggle through all of this. By offering up a sacrifice of praise, I have been once again reminded that God is good and He walks with us each an every day. His will and His plan is perfect, even if we don’t understand it all.

 

Let’s bring forgiveness back

Have you ever wondered why we feel like we need to apologize so much? When we do something wrong we often tell the person we’ve offended sorry several times. They tell us “it’s okay” or “no problem” and yet we still feel the need to say sorry just one more time.

When I lived in the convent we had this practice of every night asking each other for forgiveness for things we had done throughout the day that effected the others. Most of the time it was for being late to prayer or something similar. But we didn’t just say, it’s okay. We collectively said, “You’re forgiven, Sister [insert name here].” Community also had the habit of saying those specific words if a sister asked for your forgiveness on a one on one basis. So if I did something stupid and said I was sorry it was habit for sisters to say the words “I forgive you or you are forgiven.” Sometimes I would forget when a sister asked me for forgiveness and, out of habit, say “it’s okay” but the sister would keep apologizing until I finally said the word forgiveness. It wasn’t because she was trying to get me to say the words consciously. It was a subconscious grasping for absolution.

The words “I forgive you” have an immense power to them. They say, yes you did wrong and I accept that, but I am choosing to forgive you despite the fact that I don’t agree with what you did. It’s much more powerful to tell someone that you forgive them rather than just brush off whatever they did. Most of the time, at least for me, when I say “it’s okay” I don’t mean it. Most of the time it’s not okay. The great thing about actually saying the words of forgiveness is that you aren’t telling the person what they did was okay. You are choosing to love them in their weakness.

Each and every one of us is weak. We’re human. We fall. We mess up. Forgiveness is about recognizing that, accepting it, and loving people in their brokenness. It’s about entering into God’s merciful love for each of us, letting that love flow through you to another person. It’s about realizing that no one is perfect and allowing them not to be.

I want to encourage myself and each of you to start using the actual words of forgiveness. It’s incredible how those simple words can transform relationships, families, and communities. There is a reason we need to hear the words. It’s part of the reason we need the sacrament of confession. As humans we need to physically hear with our ears that we are forgiven for it to actually sink in, for us to actually accept it and be able to forgive ourselves.

So, let’s start apologizing and granting people forgiveness and watch how our world changes one word at a time. It might take time to get into the habit, but it will be worth it.

Freedom, glorious freedom

I’ve never been one to demand to be heard. I always stop my stories when I’m interrupted and let the other person tell theirs. And so I have been having trouble lately articulating how I’m feeling because no one has really been asking me. But this is really important so I thought I’d write it out.

I am not the same person I was eight months ago. I have changed and I have changed for the better. I will never be the Erin I was before I left and I don’t want to be. Yes, I still need time to adjust to living in the world outside the convent walls, but please don’t think that if you give me enough time I will go back to who I was before. That is just not going to happen. The Lord did incredible things in me and through me and with me the last eight months and I don’t want to erase that.

I want to figure out how to make those things He’s been doing stick and last and totally change me forever. Because while I was cleaning, fasting, keeping silence, studying, and praying the last eight months the Lord was growing freedom in me. He was teaching me that freedom doesn’t come from doing whatever you want whenever you want. Freedom comes when your identity is in Him and Him alone. Freedom is knowing I am loved and that I am safe because my Heavenly Father is good and goes before me and stands beside me.

I’ve realized that my worth doesn’t come from what others think of me or from what I do for a living or how much money I make. I am worthy because I was created in the image and likeness of God. My Heavenly Father loved me from the moment He thought me into being in my mother’s womb and He loves me now just as I am, not for who I can be or who society tells me to be, but for who I am.

The purpose of life is not to be the best most likable person. It’s not to be the richest most well off person. The purpose of life is to let God love me and love Him in return and to bring others into that love. And I can fulfill that regardless of where I work or what my job title is. The purpose of life is to make it to Heaven and bring others with me and I can do that no matter where I live or what I do. And knowing this, recognizing this truth, brings freedom like nothing else can. This realization changes everything. Even if everything seems imperfect here on Earth and even if life is hard we are still able to rejoice because this life isn’t the end goal, Heaven is.

Once we are able to set our priorities straight, we realize that being small, being poor, not “being enough” by the world’s standards actually leads us closer to Christ. When we recognize our inability to do things on our own, we realize that we need God. And then we can say “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.” (Matthew 5:3) We can trust that the Lord will provide for us because He says, “seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be given you besides.” (Matthew 6:32-33) Once we realize that life is about getting to Heaven not about being the best in the world we can finally live in the glorious freedom of the children of God. (Romans 8:21)

This freedom is a game changer. It impacts every single part of every single day. It brings purpose to every act, no matter how small because God sees everything. It says that you are loved for who you are and that your Heavenly Father wants you to become even more who you are. He wants each of us to become exactly who we were meant to be and we can only do that by living in this freedom. When we realize the world’s opinions don’t matter, that’s when we really are able to start living and living in abundance, not marked by our inadequacies but by the love that is lavished upon us every moment of every day.