My second blog post when I came home from the convent was about freedom. It was about how the Lord was allowing me to see myself through His eyes of mercy. He was showing me that I am a gift, that my worth doesn’t come from what I do, but from His love. I was on a high from the Lord’s peace and consolation. I was on fire with His love.
Those first few weeks of being back, that first month, was glorious. The Lord was so good to me. He was so present and filled me with so much joy and contentment. It was a blessing to be filled with so much peace over my decision. But eventually, I had to get back into life as a single woman. I had to find a job to pay my bills and get back into the world. It hasn’t been that long since I wrote that post, about three months, but I realized today that I’ve almost let myself forget those important truths.
It is so easy to get caught up in the ways of the world. For me, it’s particularly easy to get caught in the trap of worry. I started to worry about money, how much I would make, how to pay my bills, how I’d be able to be independent. I started to worry about what other people thought of me too. I’ve caught myself worrying more often than not over the past month or so. I had a moment, my first day at a new job, where I was so worried about impressing my new boss that I realized I was trying to act like my new coworker instead of letting myself just act like myself.
But the Lord tells us not to worry. He demands it. To follow the Lord means to trust Him with every part of our lives. It means to be so given to Him that I have nothing else to give. It means to surrender every little bit of my life and trust, hope, believe that He will provide for all of my needs. To live in the freedom that the Lord offers I have to accept it. I have to let Him take control.
The Lord has been reminding me of the truth He was speaking over me just a few weeks ago because I’ve been trying to take control again, trying to find my identity in what I am doing instead of in Him.
The reality is that I have dignity and worth that comes from my Heavenly Father. Each of us does. But I have a unique personality, a unique dignity and worth that is different from yours and yours is different than mine. I have a purpose here on this Earth to become the woman that the Lord created me to be. When He created me, He knew who I was and He loves me for that. He loves me whether I have a job or not, whether I am independent, or liked by others. God loves me.
We each have a unique purpose here on this Earth that is not dependent on what we do, but on who we are. The woman who is a stay at home mom has just as much worth as the woman who is a lawyer or doctor. And the Lord is calling them both to do incredible things with their life just by becoming and living as the women He created them to be.
“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.”
-St. Catherine of Siena
I often get tricked by the world that money and independence equals success and that purpose should come from my job or my relationship status. The reality is, the world needs me to be me and it needs you to be you, not who you think you need to be or who the world tells you to be, but who you were created to be. When we become the people we were created to be incredible things happen. So, this post is a reminder to myself, and to you dear reader, that what matters to the Lord is that you learn how to be more than how to do. Yes, some of us need to work to pay the bills, but work isn’t why we exist. We exist to love the Lord and others, to transform the world by our love.