This will be my last post. I’m not planning on deleting this blog until I have to, but it won’t be updated anymore. I enter the Franciscan Sisters, T.O.R. of Penance of the Sorrowful Mother on Tuesday May 31st. If you want to follow me further check out their facebook page, website, or blog.
To those I love and those who love me,
Thank you. Thank you for walking with me on this journey we call life, for many years or just one, however long it’s been I am still so grateful for you. Thank you for sharing your life with me. Thank you for giving me a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a reason to smile or laugh until my stomach hurts. Thank you for teaching me new things. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for praying for me and with me. Thank you for pushing me to be better. Thank you for showing me what it looks like to be a good friend, a spiritual or physical mother or father, a holy priest, an authentic Christian, an authentic human being. Thank you for being yourself and for sharing your heart with me. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to know you and to love you.
Thank you also for loving me. For taking the time to get to know me. For allowing me to be myself. For dealing with my sarcasm. For accepting my introverted moments. Thank you for seeing my weaknesses and not walking away but embracing them as part of who I am. Thank you for giving me a glimpse of the Father’s unconditional awe-inspiring love.
Over the past weekend I spent the majority of my time saying goodbye. And in reflecting on those moments, I’ve realized just how loved I really am. Sometimes it’s hard for us to accept the love people give us. It’s much easier to love and give, at least for me, than to acknowledge the fact that others really and truly care about me. In the same way we often struggle to accept the Father’s love for us. But it’s there, just like your love for me and my love for you, you just have to become aware of it.
I’m sorry that my choice to leave everything behind and follow Christ means that you also have to suffer and sacrifice. One of the hardest parts of this decision is that fact that my decision impacts so many people. But a wise priest told me something today that I hope you’ll really consider. I might not be able to gift you with my presence all the time anymore, but this choice I’m making is to point you to something deeper. The love you have experienced in being my friend or my coworker or my cousin or my aunt or sister or brother is only a glimpse of the love of God. And His love, real, true, pure, authentic, love is all transforming. It is all consuming. I’m not saying I won’t still love you, because I will, but I’m saying this choice is meant to help you recognize the Lord.
Search for Him. Look for Him and you will find Him. And when you find Him your life will be filled with so much joy and love and peace. Yes there will be suffering and sacrifice, I am living proof of that, but in that suffering you will find joy. I promise you, friends, life in Christ is worth it. It is the only thing that will satisfy your heart.
“It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness; He is waiting for you when nothing else you find satisfies you.” St. John Paul II
I love you all so very much. My heart hurts so much. But I know it all will be worth it. I know that the Lord will take care of you all, whether you believe in Him or not. You will be in my prayers.
For my Catholic readers, I will meet you in the Eucharist.
For my non-Catholic readers, I pray we will meet again in Heaven if we don’t see each other before.
I love you all and please don’t forget that God loves you more.
I wish you the very best.