This past week I was able to spend some time with the Franciscan Sisters T.O.R. of Penance of the Sorrowful Mother. This is the community that I was accepted into and was planning on entering this past August. Going into the week visit I was very hesitant. I spent the entire summer dealing with my feelings about being asked to wait a year to enter and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to really move past the frustrations. I really didn’t want to spend a week with the sisters. Even as I was on my way there I was regretting setting this week up.
However, it was exactly where I needed to be. I spent most of my time in prayer begging the Lord for answers. I wanted to leave the week knowing whether I am called to the TORs or if I need to discern with other communities. I didn’t get that answer, but I was reminded every so slowly and lovingly of the faithfulness of our Lord.
I am in this exact place because He knows this is where I need to be. I fought this for a long time. I felt like I was failing. I felt like I was wasting time. I couldn’t see the good in anything I was doing. But, the Lord helped me to see how He’s working through me even now in little ways and big ones. By working at Old Navy, I’ve been able to witness to my coworkers about the love of Christ. I’ve been able to use my gifts in helping with youth group and teaching religious education. And because of the amount of free time I have, I’ve been able to start volunteering at a nursing home where I’m able to love the residents and still have extra time to spend with friends and family. I wouldn’t have been able to do any of these things had I not been asked to wait.
I left my time with the sisters renewed in the love and faithfulness of the Lord. I am filled with so much joy and peace about where I am. Everything happens for a reason and I am EXACTLY where I am supposed to be. I still don’t have the answers. I don’t know where the Lord is calling me, but I know that He will reveal it to me in His timing. I just need to wait patiently for Him to speak. And in the mean time, I’m gonna focus on loving Him and those I encounter.
“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe, so as to give you a future full of hope.” Jeremiah 29:11