Grasping

Last night I was hanging out with my friends and we had some time of praise and worship like we typically do. This week was a little different though. We were gathered to say goodbye to one of our friends who is moving away. During prayer, we sang Nothing I Hold On To. It is a beautiful song and I have always loved it, but last night in particular we focused on a different part of the song than what I normally do. We prayed with the lyrics “there is nothing I hold on to, nothing but you God” for quite some time. Repeating these lyrics over and over again made me realize how much I want that statement to be true but how untrue it is for me.

I cling to my family and friends. I grasp at objects. My grip is tight on the world. I like things the way they are. I hate change. I hold on to literally everything. In particular I think this stood out to me last night because I didn’t want to have to say goodbye. I wanted to hold on to that moment forever, the time with all of my friends, who have turned into family, all together for the last time in that way. I didn’t want last night to end. I was clinging to time. But when I was singing those lyrics over and over I realized I’m doing the opposite of what I’m supposed to be doing.

Not that we’re supposed to make no connections with people. We are most definitely supposed to be in relationship with people. We are called to love. But we are not supposed to place those people above our God. Ultimately we can only be satisfied by our Lord. We can cling as much as we want to people, but we will never find our true purpose until we realize that God is what matters. Friends and family lead us to this truth. They help us to encounter Christ. They teach us how to relate to Him better. They challenge us to be better people. But if we cling to these things instead of God then we’re missing the point.

I want to be able to say that I hold on to nothing but God. I can’t right now, but I pray that one day I’ll be able to sing those lyrics and truly mean them,

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