So, I met with my spiritual director today. I was talking to him about my discernment and my application process. And I was saying how I feel like I’m keeping part of myself from people who I haven’t told about the fact that I’m discerning religious life. I’m really struggling, even with my family, because even though they know, it’s something we don’t talk about. But, it’s such a huge part of my life, it just feels weird to not be discussing it. And beyond that, the more people I’m around the more I feel like I should be talking about it. I was basically just complaining to him about how difficult the process is and everything. But he turned it all around on me. He said that I should take those feelings as a confirmation. Even if I haven’t said anything because it might be complicated, the fact that I feel like it is such a huge part of who I am means that I must be headed in the right direction. That in this moment in this place in the application process I can be sure that I am in the right place because if I was making a mistake I wouldn’t feel like it was such a deep part of who I am.
Later in our appointment, I was talking about how I’m setting up an appointment to go down to visit the sisters to get stuff done for my application. He asked me if I’ve been in contact with them very much. I said kind of, but that I wish I could visit again. He asked me why, and I simply said, because I like being there. He stopped me again and pointed out that this is another confirmation that I’m doing what I should be doing.
I never would have made those connections without my spiritual director. I just felt so validated in those moments. I’m not crazy. This isn’t some rash decision or an escape. I am following the Lord’s will and striving the be the person He created me to be. And that is what I am supposed to be doing, that is what everyone is supposed to do.
It’s amazing how the Lord uses such little things to remind us of His love and will and desire for us. I am in awe of His majesty. ❤